I don’t know what happened… I watched an old Clark Gable film and then fell asleep and whoa, hello nightmares.
The most interesting of which was me realizing that my apartment was FULL of cages filled with animals. Apparently I had forgot that my grandmother had stowed them there some months/years ago. Pretty much every animal was housed in a fish tank. There were lots of fish, turtles, cats with kittens (one family of cats was strangely cartoonish and scared me), dogs with puppies, zebras the size of ferrets, goats, snakes, pet maggots… The list goes on and on. I contemplated how to find all the animals good homes and my father and his father decided we’d have a pet sale. I was walking around the pet sale trying to decide what I wanted to keep for myself. I handed Olivia a cute puppy as a surprise, but when she opened her eyes she found she was holding a disgusting, growling, full-size dog.
I finally decided to keep a turtle. I walked along the many cages of turtles to choose. There were huge turtles, snapping turtles, turtles with all the flags of the world grown on their shell, turtles with flowers in place of their mouths, the list goes on and on. I chose the turtle that had the flags of the world growing in its shell. My father’s father showed up suddenly and told me to watch out. There was a lobster type thing crawling toward me very quickly. It was translucent white and appeared slimy, not cretaceous. I kept backing up into my grandfather until I was standing on his shoes because I was too afraid to jump over it. The creature stabbed my toe and chopped part of it off, and then jumped and hung onto the flesh near my arm pit. After some time my grandfather got it loose. When I looked in the mirror there was a huge bleeding hole in my arm pit. You could see muscle tissue and everything. I nearly passed out from the amount of blood. My grandfather told a man standing nearby to deliver red napkins to dinner, where we were headed.
I’ve had so many disturbing dreams lately that I don’t want to go to sleep.
I feel guilty for once again letting an entire weekend go by and not doing anything productive or of substance, and for sleeping in way too late. The highlight of my weekend was eating at Chi-Chis. I need to change… Find something to do. But what? Hmmmm…
“There will be days when you’ll look at your hands and you’ll want to take something and smash every bone in them, because they’ll be taunting you with what they could do, if you found a chance for them to do it, and you can’t find that chance, and you can’t bear your living body because it has failed those hands somewhere.”—The first of I’m sure many passages from The Fountainhead that will speak to me.